So she's home.
And I know, my heart skips several beats.
One because she's HOME. Not forever yet, but she's home. And two, because when you hold your breath long enough, your heart will skip a beat.
Yes, I still hold my breath when she's home. I'm afraid I will for some time to come, even when she's home for always and all eternity. Or at least until she leaves for college-which she finally has plans for.
And I may well even still hold my breath for quite sometime after at. Even when I see Christ shining completely from her eyes, I'm honestly afraid I will hold my breath.
But now, for a short time, I let myself breath as we pretend we're friends. As I share all the poor choices I made as a teen. And in college. And after college. And just last week. Just for one brief shining moment, we are less than enemies, more than mother and daughter. We are comrades in stupid. Bosom buddies in "Really? No WAY!" We are blood sisters in the look that tells me I am no longer seen as the master of the controls, but human. Real. Of flesh and blood and emotion. Of pain felt, choices made that determine our future and all too often, taint our past.
Suddenly, she realizes that the old woman, gray streaking her hair, size 14 jeans instead of the slender size 4 I once was-before her shining presence filled my growing and eager belly) wrinkles not seen in that senior picture which her brother gallantly declared upon spying "Momma! You was pretty! I liked you then!
Might
Just
Really
Understand.
Suddenly, Mom is cool.
Mom is real.
Mom is
Someone she can actually talk to without reservation, and still, amazing,
Love her for WHO SHE IS. Because Mom once did the exact same thing, and stunningly enough, quite a few things not recommended for teenaged daughter to try at home, because the stunts previously aired on this channel were performed by a (not) professional that the teenaged daughter had never even considered
And oh yeah, Mom is NOT a SuperMom, despite all her hopes.
No sleep until 3:30 in the morning is kryptonite to this old, graying woman.
And maybe, I can breathe a little easier now while she's home.
I am so happy for you that she is finally home~what a wonderful time for you both!
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing this weekend was, for both of you! It's wonderful when you can just talk with your older kids and they don't think you are giving them a lecture.
ReplyDeleteI was transported here in promise of information on cord wood building...and was pleasantly and beautifully introduced to a very, very real person....I, too, hold my breath...even though I have two wonderful children that are grown and grand babies to boot!, I still hold my breath...this post brought tears to my eyes...the agony of Motherhood...the joy of Motherhood...has there ever been a more profound dichotomy? I keep waiting for all my mistakes...all my failings to reveal themselves...and every once in a while when I see them looming...I am pleasantly surprised and I let that breath out...just in time to draw another...
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