The journey of mothers

All mothers have a unique journey. Some seem to have it all together. Some are an obvious wreck. Some have it a little easier, some have it a lot harder. Where are you in your journey?

I am in a lonely place. I feel very lost as a parent, as I watch my oldest struggle with mental illness, and try to support her without enabling her, all the while protecting her son and her siblings without causing her to go into a tailspin. Then there are all the people who hear her diagnosis and roll their eyes in disbelief. My own inability to truly understand all that she deals with, can't deal with, won't deal with.

Where are you in your journey as a mother? Do you have a support group, or do you feel lost in the adventure?

A simple Mercer Meyer book....
Sometimes they forget. Forget they are too big to play gently. Or that the little princess is too little to dance a tango. Or that Mom's pet peeve is dirty laundry that no one picks up.
But sometimes Mom forgets that they simply......forget.

Custom knits

I've decided to start knitting custom knits. MAINLY woolies(soakers and longies to cover cloth diapers), but I'll take on just about anything.
So there's an etsy store in the making and a facebook page. Look for fibersnob on facebook and fibersnobbed on etsy!

There's a saying that people toss out casually when they learn you are having troubles. It's "God only gives you as much as you can handle." I recently read an article that refuted that. And even that article doesn't begin to touch on how angry I feel when people tell me that.

I'm at a point of certain I cannot cntinue on the path I am on. I'm weary. I'm tired of people telling me how much they admire me, think I'm Supermom. I'm not someone to be admired. I'm not Supermom. I'm a living, breathing, walking talking failure at all I've taken on. Because I have chosen poorly in my past. I can choose better in my future, but that doesn't fix the circumstances I live with now.

I will be honest. I'm terrifically frightened of what lies in my immediate future. I am very up in the air with a lot in my life, and I hate that feeling. I feeling a LOT like Raymond from the movie "Rainman", when he realized he was going to miss Judge Wapner. I'm more than a bit frantic right now.

So please, don't tell me that God never gives us more than we can handle, because right now, I'm staring at a tough old elephant for dinner, with no fork, knife, salt or butter.

Too too long

It's been entirely too long again since I blogged! I've gotten slack since moving back down south.
The barn is still in proress. Darling has bounced from job to job a few times since being laid off from the oil rigs, so finances have been a wee tight. We still have all the goats however! In fact, the goats have been saving the day! I started a small business that seems to have exploded...I am That Crazy Goat Lady(like us on facebook! My husband will tell you) and I have a ton of flavors. My darling love shared some with people who work at Cabela's in Sidney, Nebraska and they claimed my fudge to be better than Cabela's. *blush*

And we had a big surprise take us by stoem on Mother's Day, and then a few weeks later in person.
I am now a grandma. o.O

My oldest child chose Mother's Day to break the news of her impending pregnancy and a few weeks later Frodo arrived approximately 6 to 8 weeks early, after Teen's water broke in the tornadoes that hit Tiny Town, Wyoming on June 8  of this year. He is doing marvelously however, and he and his Mama now are back home with us full time so Grandmoogle can babysit while Mama finishes school. It's not easy for most people to understand when I say how proud I am of her, but if you knew our long story, you would. That little man has changed her life in so many marvelous ways! He and Uncle Rocketman are the best of friends and will one day terrorize the neighborhood!

I'm just busy trying to finish Christmas fudge for family and friends to mail out next week, so I don't get caught in the holiday rush like I always do.

Hoping to get back here sometime this week again!

Life marches on

So let's see....since my last post over a year ago...we've brought home the Teenager. We've set Dad off to work in the oil fields. We've welcome a new little man. We've finalizedour foreclosure after 2 years of battling to keep the house. We've moved. We've brought Dad home from the oil fields.

So now, we're renovating what I hope will be the last place we move to. It's a single wide mobile home, 1993, that has been owned by older families with untrained pets. It needs...help.

Step one: Rip out carpet. Check.

Step two: replace hall floor. Check.

Don Juan helps sand the old glue off the supports

Dad screws the particle board down

Meanwhile...

Rocket Man learns to be independent and read a book. And the doctors worry about literacy in our family O_o

and Tink celebrates her 10th birthday.

New adventures all around!

In one weekend

They both grew up.

The Teenager was home for  5 days. We had a few snarls, but nothing major, and she's making concessions she was never able to make before.

And I heard the word "College" from her for the very first time, with intent, instead of derision. She has no idea where, she has no idea what, but it's there. She even has some oddly unique opportunities because of being in the state system the last 18 months. Strange how things work, isn't it?

And my sanity maker came home from her very first youth group ski trip, with her hands full of information on colleges, her eyes all aglow, with very specific direction. She knows where, she knows what.

It's so strange to watch them slouch through the house, stride with purpose through the house, chatter to each other and recall in a flash, how small and dependent they once were. I see them as a child, yet suddenly, in front of me, here are two incredibly gorgeous women. Where did they come from?

Oh yeah. Me.

I wish I could slow down time or even stop it for while, go back to when they were babies, watch them again, with more intent. Live life on purpose, instead of flying by the seat of my pants. And then I realize...they might not be who they are if I cold change anything. So I give up that dream and I watch them, wondering where they shall be one day.

Amazing how you can live a life in one weekend.